Britney Spears – Criminal(Video Review)

I CAN’T QUITE TAKE IN JUST HOW BRILLIANT THIS IS.

When Britney Spears and her team selected Criminal as her fourth single from Femme Fatale I was excited and when announced the accompanying video would be filmed in London town I was over the bloody moon. Then the fabulous teasing GIFs were released and I just about fell to the floor at how awesome they were. But nothing could quite prepare me for the actual video.

Not only is it the best visual taken from this era, but it also one of the greatest of her career and quite possibly the best video of the year.

Opening in high classed event, the video sees Britney caught under the wrath of some jackass boyfriend. Looking less than interested to be there, the songstress is soon hassled her lover for not living up to expectations. Hurt, she retrieves to the bathroom to wash away her feelings.

It just so happens that her entire perfume collection is waiting for and after a quick squirt from her latest scent Cosmic Radiance, she returns to find her sleaze fooling around with some floozie. Raging, our worrier grows some balls and calls out on the wench “So, your not working the street corner tonight I see..?” ABSOLUTELY LEGENDARY.

Leaving her date furious, he quickly pulls her outside and starts to have a major bitch fit. Then he.slaps.her. A massive, Hollywood style slap. I did not just witness that. He just didn’t.

HOW BLOODY DARE YOU!

After my outrage results in a huge crack on my laptop screen, Brit Brit’s real life beau Jason Trawick comes in to save the day and gives the cunt what he deserves because no one – and I mean no one, hits Miss Britney Spears and gets away with it. But, before she is whisked away by this mysterious man, Godney simply has to get her own back and how does she do this? By kicking him full force right between the legs of course! WERK IT BITCH.

From here on in, its pretty much a Bonnie & Clyde situation with Jason being a dirty criminal and all. This includes the pair stealing candles from the nearest convenience store and extremely hot sex scenes. Womanizer eat your heart out.

And I mean hot. Damn gurrrrrrl.

However, it can’t all always be sex and stealing. Eventually, the pair are sniffed out by an army of police and are trapped in her lover’s flat. The pair grip hands and kiss for a dramatic and stunning last scene as a million and one bullets are shot at them. Think of Mr. & Mrs Smith only better in every sense.

As the cops come in hoping to find the pair essentially dead, they are left severely pissed as there is not a soul in slight because the clever couple have already made their getaway.

If you were watching carefully as a true stan would be, then you would have noticed in the running credits that it stated “No vanilla candles we harmed in the making of this music video.” OH SO SILLYNEY.

In all seriousness, it is perfect.

I have nothing more to say except that I am slayed beyond belief.

Enjoy!